Six Tips to Become a Bridechilla

After fourteen months of planning (and a bit of panicking), Joe and I are finally married! While the road to the wedding day was a bit crazy, my bridesmaids told me that I was calm when the day arrived. In fact, the word “Bridechilla” was tossed around – the opposite, of course, of a Bridezilla. And no, we did not use a wedding planner at all. After planning our wedding and having it go off without a hitch, I thought I would share some of my tips for reducing stress and becoming a Bridechilla!

One quick caveat: if you’re the kind of person who has been dreaming of your grandiose wedding since you were in diapers, this post probably isn’t for you. Feel free to enjoy designing your big day down to the minute details if that’s your thing. But if the thought of choosing between ten different shades of beige for your napkins makes you shudder, then read on!

If it Makes Sense for You… Elope!

Elopement isn’t just for rebels (or shotgun weddings) anymore. A whole industry seems to have popped up for couples who want to elope, both in city halls and far-flung destinations. And if you’re looking for a bit more glamour, I’ve started seeing ads (thanks, Instagram…) for Pop-Up Weddings. For a reasonable flat fee, you can get a pre-planned ceremony and reception at a popular venue, back-to-back with other couples doing the same thing.

We ruled this option out early in our planning process. We wanted to ensure that our families would be able to celebrate with us. However, I wanted to mention it first as it’s the best way to have a low-cost, low-stress wedding.

Impose Hard Boundaries

From here on out, I’ll assume that you’re having a fairly “traditional” wedding. That is, you’re having your family and friends attend a ceremony, reception, or any other combination of celebrations.

One of the first items on a couple’s wedding planning agenda is setting the overall budget. Often, this is the only official “boundary” you might set for the size and scope of the event. For this you’ll consider your own financial situation, any support you’re getting from family, and whether you’re planning to borrow money to fund the occasion. (I personally advise against going into debt for a wedding… but that’s just my opinion!)

Beyond the financial constraints, though, there are other factors to consider. How big of an event do you envision? A multi-day spectacle to entertain hundreds of your “closest” family and friends? If, like me, you’re planning your own wedding, how much capacity do you have to organize all of this? And will you have the resolve to say no when your loved ones make well-intentioned yet overwhelming requests for various aspects of your wedding?

To nip this in the bud, I recommend making a few decisions and reservations as early has you can – specifically, your venue and possibly your caterer. Once these are locked in, you’ll be able to fall back on these as hard limits on the event you’re planning. Some ways to impose hard boundaries include having a destination wedding, choosing a smaller venue (that’s what we did!), or hosting a brunch reception instead of dinner and dancing.

Minimize Bridal Party Stress

In your quest to avoid Bridezilla status, make sure you’re not pushing that stress onto your bridal party! Here are some tips to keep things chill.

Stick to a small crew. If your social circle will allow it, try to limit the headcount in your bridal party. This will make it easier to plan events and organize everyone leading up to the big day. Plus, as we learned, it means a later start for hair and makeup! Yay for sleep.

Be flexible with attire. We chose the bridesmaids’ dresses together online, but for items like shoes and earrings, I left the specifics up to them. They could either buy new (and keep for future use) or use whatever they had. This left wiggle room for style, fit, and finances. Which leads me to my next point…

Stay budget-conscious. The last thing I wanted was to force any of my bridesmaids to participate in something that they couldn’t comfortably afford. I’m a generally frugal person, so the idea of a full-weekend destination bachelorette, for instance, was a bit ridiculous. Thinking about finances may make you worry more than anything, but for me, staying within financial reason definitely helped me keep calm.

DIY for Yourself, Not for Pinterest

The DIY wedding craze has been going on for years, and I know a lot of brides can feel pressure to create their own cute wedding details to match their Pinterest boards. However, I’ll let you in on a secret: if it’s on Pinterest, I guarantee there’s an Etsy shop that sells it. So don’t be fooled into stressing over making it yourself if you’d prefer to just purchase it.

On the flip side, if you’re crafty and really want to take on a project to add personal touches to your wedding, then that’s a great reason! Just be sure you don’t bite off more than you can chew. Also, don’t be scared off by the DIY “horror stories” that might pop up in your Google search. Horror stories begin with high standards. Go into the project understanding that you’re not a professional, and that everything will turn out fine. (I’ll admit this was a bit of a… process for me. But I got there eventually!)

Think Outside the Box

Our favourite parts of our wedding were the unique elements – not Pinterest-worthy décor, but personal touches we incorporated throughout. For example:

• Our wedding was on May the Fourth (Star Wars Day, of course!), so we had to include a few references. For example, we had lightsaber hilt centerpieces and planet-themed table numbers.
• We had a cheese cake. Yes, a cake made out of cheese wheels. We worked with our local cheese shop to select the best assortment for the occasion!
• As avid cruisers, we wanted to provide our family and friends with a thoughtful way to support our honeymoon. We created a Honeyfund, which allows guests to contribute to specific honeymoon-related items (as created by the couple). We heard from multiple people after the fact that they liked having a way to support us in a less traditional avenue that suited us better.
• This isn’t exactly a “personal touch”, but worth noting. The day of the wedding, before the ladies arrived and the preparations began, I went for a run as my usual morning workout. I didn’t realize that most ladies don’t stick to their usual fitness routine on the big day! It helped me work out the “pre-wedding jitters” and feel like it was just a normal, albeit exciting, day.

Look Forward to the Honeymoon

Now, I understand that not everyone has the means to go on a honeymoon, especially right after their wedding. However, regardless of your situation, I would recommend having some sort of opportunity for relaxation on the other side of your wedding. Not just so that you can decompress after the wedding, but so that you can look forward to the honeymoon, not just the wedding. I honestly felt that hanging all my hopes and dreams on the success of a single-day event was a recipe for disaster. While I did what I could to make the wedding as fun for everyone as possible, I was looking forward to something beyond the wedding – which allowed me to relax and enjoy the big day much more as well!

Final Notes

Having a small but mighty team behind us made the day as successful and stress-free as possible! And of course, we’re immensely appreciative of the support from our parents, vendors, bridal party, and the friends and family that celebrated with us.

What are your tips for reducing wedding stress? Were you a Bridezilla or a Bridechilla? Let me know in the comments!